logo
Jan
15

The Time Scrounger

I know your works. See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My word, and have not denied My name. Revelation 3:8 nkjv

IMG_0192

 

I seem to have a problem saying yes.

I guess, maybe, I never really learned to say no.

If anyone ever asks me for help, with anything, anything at all, a yes will spill forth tumbling over the ineptness of my brain to conjure up a no in proper time. I have been stricken with zero delegation ability.  Between me and you, most times it seems easier to do it myself than to take time to explain it to someone else.  Because you see, I am always short on time and explaining my perfectionism, well, it takes time…

IMG_6317

 

It puts me at conflict, leaves me begging God for extra time or maybe just to stop time.  My heart pounds in a panic into the next day, next week, next month leaving me incapable of turning in the right direction; sends me rushing to complete everything all at once, stranding me overwhelmed and exhausted.

So I scrounge for time, keep notes on scraps of paper, remnants of napkins, my hand – whatever is still, available, readily accepts blue ink. I flail in the chaos of overbooked days and grasp for what can not be held: fleeting moments creating a past. In desperation, I wish for the gold watch, wish I could pause time. But only God can.

IMG_0541One afternoon, it is in the midst of sobbing tears and begging prayers, God speaks.  It all sinks in real deep, like water on thirsty earth.  He speaks with clarity; He has placed me on this path and here I will stay because He has called me to this work.

God’s timing is incomprehensibly perfect and forced waiting begets eternal patience.

Another month passes and I grow listless in the tedium of my daily duties, wish I could run away to anywhere else, anywhere but in the midst of this unbearable aching of a neglected dream. Yet in the depths of my heart I know, eventually, it will birth forth from this scrounged and sacred time like a seed emerging from beneath the Spring’s warming soil.  The diligent climb upward, steady and slow, meticulous and tenacious, wholly unnoticed.

So I collect words in stolen time and I wait…IMG_0794

Another day, another week, another month and leaves drift down to earth in bright colors and Thanksgiving looms near and then passes in a flurry and I miss leftover turkey sandwiches altogether because I am never home.

It is only after I return home from pursuing my childhood dream in a week-long adventure, that the phrase is uttered by not one, but two customers in separate circumstances, “You are a true artist,” and those words, they put my mind to working.

IMG_0939

 

What is art really, but a reflection of divinity, the mark of our Creator.

Too often I put limits on God and what He can accomplish in me, through me.  Too often, I find myself in circumstances that do not match my presumed understanding of what God wants from me and that conflict makes me resentful.  But I must remember I serve God and whatever God desires is worthy of my obedience. The fruit of this gift did not emerge as I imagined it would.  It was a surprise attack from somewhere outside the fray of my carefully crafted plan.

IMG_0806

So as it is, God, the creator of everything and Whose creativity is infinite, chose to instill creativity as an essential part of who I am.  It would be presumptuous and ungrateful to omit His presence from my limited view of who I think I should be. Or what I think I can accomplish. I must remind myself daily: my gifts are not for my use, but God’s own purposes and who am I to judge how the Ancient of Days chooses to use the predetermined gifts He bestowed upon me.

IMG_0979It’s not about what I want to be when I grow up, but about what God wants to accomplish through me so that others see Him; it’s not about achieving the success of a dream because the dream ought to be serving Him.

And these gifts He gives me to use are the rewards of service and obedience.   He is perfecting me for Heaven, not earth.  And these gifts I joyfully employ are earthly rewards that yield an eternal value.

The last three years, the devil has worked diligently for my demise, but God used every trial for my good.  God knew every place I would stumble, every place I would fall right down flat on my face. The necessary trials along the way create in my spirit strength and wisdom.  They keep me focused on God and not the chaos swirling about me. My imperfectness displays God’s perfection just as my weaknesses point to His strength.

In the end I realize, my gift is creativity.  Not writing, not photography, not art. Hand me a pen, a camera or paint and I can show you when, where and how I see God, but these are the ways God allows me to use my gift because they bring me joy.IMG_0969

And then there are those times.  Those times, God plops you right smack down in the middle of someone else’s dream for reasons unknown; you, alone, with no experience to help make it happen; you insistent that your gifts don’t fit this plan or that dream; and that “no” you seemed so tied to and so often wished had spilled forth in lieu of a yes?

It turns out to be the greatest surprise of all because it is in those times, when you stand befuddled and confused, ignorant and insecure, God shows up and shows you what He is capable of.

IMG_1071And I have found, the grandest way to live life is to show up when God calls and follow Him with the expectation of witnessing miracles and receiving lavishly bestowed blessings that reveal His glory to the world.

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Be Sociable, Share!

3 Responses to “The Time Scrounger”

  1. Ann says:

    It is so easy to miss the miracles when we are always looking for the huge miracle instead of the everyday ones that God blesses us with each day. So glad you are posting again.
    Love you
    Mom

  2. Patricia Stachew says:

    Wonderful thoughts, so true. Learning that quietness in the chaos and the demands from within and from without is a lifelong, daily process, for sure. I often think about the things I would like to do and then I wonder why do I want to do them? Is it because the Lord really wants to do them in me or am I just infatuated with the idea of being able to do them or being considered accomplished in them? Hard to discern sometimes. May you enjoy that easy yoke and light burden genuinely in Christ in your everyday. And may you daily have a glimpse of His work at work in you so as you recognize Him more and fret about you less…

  3. marbella says:

    marbella

    What’s up colleagues, its wonderful paragraph concerning tutoringand entirely defined, keep it up all the
    time.

Leave a Reply

logo
© Elizabeth Marchman and A Quiet Chaos LLC., 2011 | Designed & Developed by Author Media